I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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