John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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