I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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