I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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