a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
