She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
