He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
