Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
