rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i think my mom watched the whole time
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
