Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
