SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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