last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
