Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
