You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
