I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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