you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize