Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
