yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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