I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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