I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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