I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
