There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
