over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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