Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
