My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
