i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Your penis caused this!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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