Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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