Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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