If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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