I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
