Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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