can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
ttyl tear gas
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize