I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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