i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
