tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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