Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
