I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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