She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
