I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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