You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
