Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
