Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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