We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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