I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
