Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
