I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so let's talk penis.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
