Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
