I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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