hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
