somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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