We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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