he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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