Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
