Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
