ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
