Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
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For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
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Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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