The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize