You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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