You're so nebulous sometimes
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
