You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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