All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
