I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
