I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
