watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
