i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
