i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
