I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
