just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
