found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
