you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
