today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
