Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
